Brene Brown was riveting at the ICC last week. With the theme of Dare to Lead and 4000 (mainly women) in attendance, she spoke of courageous leadership and the absence of clear behaviours that people can adopt to be more courageous leaders. It seems we need to develop more definitions and behaviours around operationalising courage and stop the following behaviours that signify an absence of courage:

Not having tough conversations: that includes “talking about not talking to” a person. “Guilty your honour”, so time to choose “courage over comfort” (another one of Brown’s great quips) and talk directly to people at the time of the conflict. And, no after-meeting meetings to rehash positions and perspectives thus diluting collaboration.

“We have to spend a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or you will spend an unreasonable amount of time dealing with problematic behaviour.”

Dealing with fears and feelings as well as facts: “We have to spend a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or you will spend an unreasonable amount of time dealing with problematic behaviour,” she says. And by the way, (newsflash for me), “it’s not fear that gets in the way of being brave, it’s the armour (behaviours) / how we self- protect when we’re afraid.

Getting stuck in setbacks: For those of us that get stuck in the replays of past failures and mistakes, it’s time to practice resetting and being like an ice princess and letting go. Brene also points out the need to practice prior, not try to learn when on the ground at the time of failure. She claims it’s teachable and we should onboard for it in organisations. Definitely going to add that to my culture and engagement project work.

“When something goes wrong…rather than staying in the problem, we just push to fix it right away because we can’t stand the vulnerability of staying in problem identification.”

A problem solving and action bias: “When something goes wrong…rather than staying in the problem, we just push to fix it right away because we can’t stand the vulnerability of staying in problem identification.” Brown also says the tendency is to look for someone to blame for a problem. She’s even made a video about it Blaming.

“To opt-out of these conversations because they make you uncomfortable is the definition of privilege,” she says. “Your job as a leader is to excavate the issues.”

Not talking about Inclusivity, diversity, and equity: “To opt-out of these conversations because they make you uncomfortable is the definition of privilege,” she says. “Your job as a leader is to excavate the issues.” She also states that by having these conversations we as leaders find out more about our own blind spots. “We can either dismantle systems of racism and sexism or contribute to them.”  Time to stand up, not stand by.

“Looking for shame in an organisation is like doing a termite inspection,” she says. “If you walk through an organisation and you see shame, you have a crisis situation.”

Allowing shaming and blaming behaviors in the workplace: “Looking for shame in an organisation is like doing a termite inspection,” she says. “If you walk through an organisation and you see shame, you have a crisis situation.” Shame speaks to a mindset that says “I am so…” while guilt speaks to “I can’t believe I did that…” Brown’s research finds that shame is highly correlated with depression, addiction, violence, aggression and suicide, while guilt is inversely correlated and is actually a protective factor that moves one to change behaviour based on seeing the gap between what I have done and how I want to behave. Allowing shaming and blaming behaviours in the home and workplace is corrosive for everyone, so as leaders, partners, friends, colleagues and parents, we should always seek to separate the behaviour from the person.

Soooo much to think about and take action on. I’m going to start with getting more present to my dialogues (internal and external) around shame versus guilt. What about you?